Friday, June 02, 2006

just a little walk

Took my dog for a little walk around the neighbourhood today. Not around the whole thing...not by a long shot, just a few times around a several blocks. Not a big deal. But it was to me. Actually that's not true. It wasn't a big deal when I actually did it. But getting up the nerve to do it took a while -- months in fact. Yeah, I know, that sounds silly as all hell. Just how much nerve does it take to walk the dog around a few blocks in your own damned neighbourhood? Well...a lot sometimes.

I'm like a frickin' textbook case of social phobia. Making phone calls is for the most part sheer torture. I've stressed for days before making a phone call, and there are a few phone calls I needed to make last fall. I still haven't made them. Now if I make an appointment to call on a certain day within a certain time period, I can usually do that (that's how I handle calls to SK).

Going to the grocery store, or gas station, or bank, etc. can be tough sometimes although I can generally manage. And I hate crowds. With a passion. Going to a concert is often out of the question unless I really really really really really like the band. So the Choich should feel very special that I like them enough to even consider going to see them...even if I'm kinda chickening out right now. ;-)

So anyway, zeke and I took a walk today. And I think Zeke was more stressed by it than I was. So either I have a really fucked up dog, or I did better than I thought.


Blogger General Catz said...

i understand how you feel. i think more people feel that way than you think. the best way around it is just to expose yourself little by little (and not in a bad way lol).

my fear of flying is always at its lowest point when i do it often. During those times, i can't wait to get on another plane and go somewhere! but when i go long periods without flying, that's when the fear comes back. vicious circle, aint it?

8:56 AM  
Blogger Queen Hatshepsut said...

Hi eek,
Thanks for your positive comments regarding my little 'math' problem, haha. I too went to a college where I didn't have to take ANY math! Yay!!!! Good for us. I guess.
Without getting too personal (although aren't blogs kinda personal sometimes?) I read your entry about walking your dog. I related, more than you will ever know. I don't know your background or anything, but when I was 21 I had agoraphobia. I also joked I was the only agoraphobic who couldn't stand to stay in the house. I was never trapped by my fears, but I lived with a LOT of social anxiety for years. I did everything, went everywhere, but it took a lot out of me. Also, my last boss at my college could NOT make outgoing phone calls. So I get that. I don't know what my point is, other than good for you for taking your dog for a walk. Give yourself positive feedback. If you ever want to talk about anything, you know where to find me. As General Catz says, exposure is good, and more people than you realize deal with this stuff. I went from dreading classes in college to becoming a college instructor. So go figure. Soon your dog will be begging you to just let him/her stay inside! Hope I didn't offend here.

3:32 PM  

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