Thursday, December 07, 2006

This is what happens when you've been single a looonnggg time...

The other day I pondered which of my cats would make the best guy for me.

Yes. My life is that pitiful. Sigh.

And now I'm going to share my ruminations with any poor saps who happen to stumble upon this blog, and you can laugh at my patheticness too. :-)

Obviously the girls are out, 'cause they are girls (although I suppose if I could change a cat into a human I could change it's gender too). Besides, Mitzi is nicknamed "Hell Cat Bitch" for a reason and I don't think I would like that at all in a guy. I suspect Miss Myrrh is "Hell Cat Bitch in Training" since she really doesn't seem to like anyone. Well, she does like me. and Loki. Sometimes. And she's still likely to smack us for no apparent reason. Again, qualities I can accept in a cat, but not a guy. And poor Madeline, she's just dumb. Very sweet, but as dumb as they come.

Ok, on to the guy cats:

-- Maxwell (Max)- He's a very sweet cat, but he's a bit of a spazz. Now much of that is because he has hyperthyroidism, but it would annoy the crap out of me in a person.

-- MiloGuido - On the plus side he's very sweet and personable and has a really handsome face and great eyes. He does have a wussy little tail -- not sure what that would translate to in human terms.... But MiloGuido's main problem is he's a fucking drama queen. Everything is a big, fucking, run-screaming-around-the-room deal. No way in hell I want that in a person (although it is very funny in a cat).

-- Oscar - Oscar is actually a contender. Oscar is always a cat with a plan. Sometimes, however they are not great plans. Although he's a very sweet cat (and he has great green eyes), I fear Oscar would be a bit of a "straight" if he was a human. I suspect he would be good at paying the bills though....

-- Isidore - his name means gift of the goddess Isis, and Isi certainly knows it! He's absolutely gorgeous and has stunning eyes and a beautiful, big body. He's very fun-loving, and really quite loving and friendly. Isi is a bit of a devil though, loving to pick on Maddie and Milo just to get a reaction (and of course they always react). I'm not sure I could really handle someone who got so much pleasure out of pushing other's buttons. I'm sure I'd often want to slap him.

-- Rickenbacker Straticaticus - Ricky is a wonderful cat and I suspect he'd be a pretty cool guy too. He's attractive, kind, knows just what to say. He has the whole package. Unfortunately, I suspect Ricky would be quite the ladies man. Well I think he'd get along with most of the guys too as a buddy. Hell, he'd get along with everyone. My niece calls him a philanderer and I think that pretty much nails him (little double entendre there ;-) ). He'd be a great friend and wonderful at parties though.

Which brings us to the last two -- Alex and Loki. I think it would be one of these two. Seems kind of funny as they aren't the real easy going types and a few of the other cats would make better looking guys, but I think I could get along pretty well with either of them.

-- Loki - Loki's the old warrior -- all beat up and scarred (even has a couple pellets under his skin on a front leg where he was shot) and now ready to lounge around and take it easy. He's a wonderful, sweet cat who dearly loves me. He loves to come up and sleep on my pillow with me at night and get love and attention. He is a bit skittish -- if he was a person I'd wonder if he was suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. He's generally afraid of everyone but me (although he is getting used to my niece also) and sometimes he's even afraid of me. But he's such a sweet little snuggle bunny. He probably is better as a cat actually.

-- Alex - I suspect Alex would be the best choice for me. Alex utterly adores me (which is a plus in my book!) and sleeps with me every night, all night (not even Loki does that). Now he is a bit of a cranky old bastard, but is essentially very sweet. And I seem to have a soft spot for the cranky old bastards anyway. He's not terribly outgoing, but he is sweet and we've always gotten along very well. Hell, he comes running to me when he sees me. How sweet is that? Also Alex wouldn't go flitting around with everyone else like Ricky and Isi would. I think that's a good thing.

Now all I need to do is find someone who knows how to turn a cat into a human.... ;-)


Blogger lee said...

Don't suppose that's going to happen in a hurry, is it? ;).

6:05 AM  
Blogger (('{~_~}')) said...

Oh my god! Nine cats! Have you ever thought that maybe they are the reason there is no guy in your life? I imagine a lot of guys would not be too keen on sharing the bed with you and your cats.

8:21 AM  

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