worried

One of the stray cats I've been feeding has me worried. The older black and white cat (I've called him Battered Old Cat -- because he is -- but now I tend to call him Bruiser cause it sounds tough and he should have a tough name ) was out on the back deck tonight. He hadn't been around for a few days and I've been a bit concerned although it has been rainy and cold so I figured maybe that was it.

I was happy to see him and went out and sat with him on the bench and patted him which he likes. Then I let the dog back in the house and got Bruiser some food. He ate some and seemed to enjoy it. But while he was doing that I noticed a wet spot where he had been sitting. Just then he left the food dish and walked past me on the deck. There was another wet spot where he had been sitting at the food bowl and when he walked past me I noticed he smelled bad, his hind legs were wet, and his belly was distended. It was quite obvious by that time the liquid was cat urine.

He likes to be patted (on the head, under the chin, and around his shoulders only), but doesn't like to be confined or picked up at all, so I couldn't really pick him up then. I got one of the cat carriers from the house and went back out to try to get him so I could take him to the vet, but I couldn't catch him. I keep looking for him because he often comes back to the deck several times in an evening, but it's raining now and he usually doesn't come when it rains.

I have a really bad feeling about this. I couldn't help thinking as I watched him disappear that he was going off to die somewhere. I know that even if I got him to the vet they might not be able to save him, but I hate thinking he's dying alone and in misery.